i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
