Are we in a gay sports bar?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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