We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
