im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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