You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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