the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you had me at cake vodka
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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