you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
we made out on top of his cat.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
