Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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