FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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