i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
