I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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