god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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