I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
