I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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