I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
