The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
