I'm sorry my penis didn't work
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
