You're so nebulous sometimes
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
