I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
