I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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