Can i not drive my cunt home
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
