Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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