I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
