Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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