Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
