dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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