I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
