I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
