He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
