I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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