So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
