What a fucking waste of an outfit
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
