Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
