textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
