Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
