just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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