It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
