sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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