guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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