Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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