Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
