you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
