Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Less talking, more tequila
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
