So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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