why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
