guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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