they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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