His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
