i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
