I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
