So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
