dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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