Everything about him screamed your future.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
