he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
