We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
