O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
