i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
