i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
