did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
